Now we know almost all of you are currently or have been students at some point. We also know that learning online is difficult, and we worry that some of you may not be getting as good of an education as you need. To help everyone out and improve the overall IQ of our readers, this newsletter will mimic a day of school by touching on multiple different subjects and topics alike.
English Class
English class is usually pretty boring, so we are going to have to work hard to make it more less boring. We are going to do so by introducing a fun little interactive and educational segment meant to test your knowledge of the English language.
We have cleverly and subtly hidden a grammatical era somewhere in this newsletter, and if you can find the hidden mistake and tell us what it is, you could* be in the running to win a cash prize! So get out your reading glasses, think back to English classes, and try to put us on our asses.
*you wont earn a cash prize
US Politics
If you have turned on the TV or opened the internet in the last week, you know things in this country have been a little crazy as of late. Washington DC is a bit of a mess, and the incidents that occurred last week were, to say the least, not good. Now we aren’t political experts at all, but it seems like there’s an easy fix to all of this. The leaders of this country need to calm down, relax, and MASTURBATE.
Make
A
Smooth
Transition of power.
Unions
R
Better when
Allies form instead of
Treating everyone like
Enemies
If everyone in DC, or anyone else considering taking drastic measures would just MASTURBATE, then maybe normalcy will show its pretty little face again.
Life Science
The world of Life Science today is about one thing and one thing only…COVID-19. It’s like a fart you let loose on an elevator when you’re alone. You thin it’ll go away before anyone else gets on. But it doesn’t. it just lingers, sticking around way longer than you thought. That’s what Coronavirus is, a stinky fart on an elevator.
A new development in this horrible saga are the variants that are being introduced all over the world. The UK B.1.1.7 Variant, which has been confirmed to be in at least 12 US states, is the variant currently making headlines. Viruses have a high mutation rate, so mutations alone are not concerning. What is concerning is where these mutations occur. The 3 main mutations in B.1.1.7 (N501Y, P681H, and 69/70 deletion) all occur in the S gene, which encodes the big bad Spike protein, responsible for virus infiltration of our sacred cells. This is concerning because both the Pfizer and Moderna vaccines instruct the body to generate antibodies that identify the virus based on the Spike protein. If the S gene mutates enough, the protein targets may be unrecognizable for the antibodies generated by the vaccines, rendering them ineffective. Luckily that hasn’t happened yet. The vaccine antibodies can identify several different parts of the spike. But the longer this virus stays around, the more it will mutate, and the more likely the current vaccines will no longer be able to recognize the single thing they were made to recognize. So it’s important that we do all that we can to make sure we get rid of this fart on the elevator as soon as possible, or else the wrong people might start to smell it.
Math
Math is a wonderful thing. Math is a really cool thing.
Here comes another pop quiz. But don’t worry, this one will not be turned in for a grade. This is more for you, so you can get an understanding of where your math skills are. So get off your ath, let’s do some math!
Just try to answer these questions to the best of your ability.
- 3-4=
- 6 x 1,000,000,000=
- 54 is 45 more than what is the answer Martha?
Alright well we hope you enjoyed your day at school. Just remember that having fun and doing drugs and stuff is important, but being educated is more importanter. Now get the hell out of here.